In case anyone is reading this that does not know me in "the real world," let me share a little something about myself: I am a friendly, congenial fellow, and I like to get along with just about anyone who isn't racist, prejudiced, or otherwise small-minded.
I have also been out-blogged, so far this year, by two brilliant mothers, an uber-talented bassist, and a ceramic owl. But, I digress...
In general, I think most people who know me would say that I am likable, if not downright nice. I feel confident in saying this because I have made a serious, conscious effort to be this way. There was a time in my life when this was not so easy for me but, I am happy to say, I am now predisposed toward the positive.
Lately, however, I've become acutely aware of just what an unforgiving bastard I can still be, once in a while. So far, this year has presented me with ample opportunities to look into this facet of my personality and, I have to say, I'm not proud.
Let's start with that fateful Saturday night. I was working behind the bar at the wine shop where my lovely wife waits tables. I get to go in whenever they need an extra body, and it's always a fun time. It's a bit of work, but the people are great and we laugh & sip good wine all night long. (Now that I think about it, that's hardly "work" at all.)
On this particular night, we had a huge party in the tasting room (our version of a party room, for seating larger parties comfortably). These were not the folks one typically finds at an upscale wine bistro. No, these folks seemed more likely to be found, on any given night, at a boot-scootin' country bar, or even a friendly neighborhood beer-'n-shot watering hole. One guy, for example, was seriously miffed because my wife (their server) couldn't bring him a plastic or Styrofoam cup that he could use as a spittoon. (We have neither plastic nor Styrofoam in the restaurant.) Karen managed to find him an empty 7-Up bottle, which he filled about half way during the course of the evening, and was kind enough to leave behind for her to dispose of. (No, I'm not kidding.)
This party also presented my wife with several additional challenges. First of all, there were so many people that we didn't have enough chairs to accommodate them, even after pulling empties from all over the restaurant. The room was packed elbow to elbow, with everyone milling around. Even Karen, an excellent, experienced server, had a difficult time keeping up with who ordered what, and how to serve the food.
Worst of all, many of the people in this party were just downright rude. By the end of the night, my beautiful wife was almost in tears.
I...was LIVID.
Several times throughout the night, when Karen would walk out of that room obviously shaken, I almost went back to the room and asked people to leave. What's that you ask? Am I allowed to do this? Nope - it would have cost me my cushy, enjoyable side-job, and possibly gotten me banned from the wine shop altogether. I didn't care. I wanted every person in that room to leave, and preferably meet a fiery death on the way home as a result of their own drunken driving. I'm not exaggerating - I was literally hoping for physical harm to befall these people. Especially the rude ones.
As fate would have it, after this particularly difficult Saturday evening, Karen and I also came home to - drum roll please - her parents. Yes, my in-laws were in town. Her mother had been here since Thursday and her dad came in that night while we were at work. Now, when Karen's mother is in town, Karen is literally baby-sitting her the entire time, and it's very stressful. Her mother is deaf which, in and of itself, is not the problem. Deaf culture however, is a subject for another post (or two or three) and, while Karen smiles through it all, these visits are never relaxing. Coming home to any guests, to be sure, is less than ideal after a tough night like Karen had, when she really just needed to walk in, plop down, and unwind.
When I first started dating Karen, and for many years into our marriage, I got along with everyone in her family. Now - not so much. I won't air our dirty laundry in public, and there is no possible way for me to abbreviate the history that has led to the tension between us, but...things have happened. Despite my efforts to "be nice," I just can't seem to forgive these things and put it all behind me. Even knowing how much it bothers Karen (for whom I'd do anything), I cannot muster the will to make that happen.
So, I'm left wondering: How many other people have made such a determined effort to become a better person? I would hope that most people don't have to. I know that, for my friends, the best things about them do not seem manufactured or forced. They're great people, and they make me want to be a better person. Still, as hard as I've "worked on myself," I can't seem to get past this...spiteful, vindictive inability to forgive. Why?
I've finally figured it out: I can forgive anyone who wrongs me. I cannot, however, forgive those who wrong the people I love.
Hey...maybe I'm not so ashamed by that, after all.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Thursday, January 1, 2009
On Cloud '09
As I begin typing this, it's about 2:15 in the morning on January 1, 2009. I have just finished doing a little bit of clean-up after one of the most relaxing, enjoyable New Year's Eve celebrations I have ever experienced. I'm sure I'll finish this later today, after I've had some rest (mostly because I never post anything without re-reading and re-writing it a few times). Still, I will post this by the end of the day, as one of my resolutions is to blog more frequently.
Before the party started, as K-Sue and I were making final preparations, we paused for a private moment to thank one another for "being there" throughout the past year. In truth, '08 was not an easy year for us. I won't bore you all with details, but suffice it to say that we are glad to see it come to an end. Still, I have always believed that some good can be gleaned from even the most dire of situations, so I thought I'd share some of my favorite things about 2008:
I would be remiss without first mentioning the friends in our lives that have helped us through twelve tough months. Some friendships have been tested during this past year, and are all-the-stronger for it; true friends, the family we choose, find their way through tough times and conflict because they know the worth of that connection. That kind of love of is almost tangible and, in my mind, possibly the very best thing about the human condition.
New friendships have been born, and with them comes the promise of happier times ahead. For me, it's very self-affirming to know that people I respect and admire want to spend time with me. After all, these people could be in the company of anyone they choose. They choose me. That makes me happy, and gives me hope for a better self.
I'm happy that 2008 is also the year that the real "moral majority" in the United States made its voice heard. We elected a president that truly represents our potential. He spoke of change and hope in a way that, arguably, has not been heard since JFK. He had the audacity to say the things that needed to be said, no matter how trite, bold, or impertinent they may sound. He spoke of having faith, not in him, but in ourselves, to make things better.
I am happy, in a strange way, that my children are growing up - because of who they are becoming. Of course, all parents understand this strange conundrum. We all want our kids to stay young forever, but we know that our job is to help them grow. Watching my two ladies blossom over the past year has been.....humbling. I can hardly fathom their potential for greatness, and yet I must find ways to convey it to them. How do I explain to a 14- and a 10-year-old that which I do not fully understand? I can't do it with words, so I must resolve to do it through my actions. I will treat them with the respect and love that will send the right message. It's the only way I know.
I know it's not interesting or titillating, but I'm happy to have my job. In today's economy, I am about as safe as one can be, and I am grateful for the chain of events that lead me here. Yes, I work hard to make my employers happy, but there's more to it than that. I'm just plain lucky to be where I am right now, and I know that a lot of smart, hard-working people are not as fortunate as I.
Of course, my favorite things about 2008 is that I spent the year married to the best woman I know. She found me long ago in a cheap record store, took me in, and believed in me in a way I had never known. Anyone who knows me now may be hard-pressed to believe the person I once was, but she saw in me the potential to live a better life. That is a testament to the goodness of her heart and soul. I cannot imagine a life without her.
I wonder why we make such a big deal of celebrating the new year. Is it just another excuse to get together with friends and enjoy good food and libations? Certainly, we've had enough of that recently with both Thanksgiving and Christma-Hanu-Kwanza-Ka. No, I can only imagine that we are hoping to set the tone for the coming months. By welcoming the new year with festivity and celebration, we are making a statement: No matter what the past year brought, we will not stop working toward better things. Twelve months, no matter how difficult, cannot dampen our spirits or break our will. Better times are ahead, and we will not be denied.
My hope for you all is that 2009 is a banner year in every way, bringing you prosperity, friendship, and love. And if I get to share in that, or even have a hand in making it happen, my year will be even better.
Before the party started, as K-Sue and I were making final preparations, we paused for a private moment to thank one another for "being there" throughout the past year. In truth, '08 was not an easy year for us. I won't bore you all with details, but suffice it to say that we are glad to see it come to an end. Still, I have always believed that some good can be gleaned from even the most dire of situations, so I thought I'd share some of my favorite things about 2008:
I would be remiss without first mentioning the friends in our lives that have helped us through twelve tough months. Some friendships have been tested during this past year, and are all-the-stronger for it; true friends, the family we choose, find their way through tough times and conflict because they know the worth of that connection. That kind of love of is almost tangible and, in my mind, possibly the very best thing about the human condition.
New friendships have been born, and with them comes the promise of happier times ahead. For me, it's very self-affirming to know that people I respect and admire want to spend time with me. After all, these people could be in the company of anyone they choose. They choose me. That makes me happy, and gives me hope for a better self.
I'm happy that 2008 is also the year that the real "moral majority" in the United States made its voice heard. We elected a president that truly represents our potential. He spoke of change and hope in a way that, arguably, has not been heard since JFK. He had the audacity to say the things that needed to be said, no matter how trite, bold, or impertinent they may sound. He spoke of having faith, not in him, but in ourselves, to make things better.
I am happy, in a strange way, that my children are growing up - because of who they are becoming. Of course, all parents understand this strange conundrum. We all want our kids to stay young forever, but we know that our job is to help them grow. Watching my two ladies blossom over the past year has been.....humbling. I can hardly fathom their potential for greatness, and yet I must find ways to convey it to them. How do I explain to a 14- and a 10-year-old that which I do not fully understand? I can't do it with words, so I must resolve to do it through my actions. I will treat them with the respect and love that will send the right message. It's the only way I know.
I know it's not interesting or titillating, but I'm happy to have my job. In today's economy, I am about as safe as one can be, and I am grateful for the chain of events that lead me here. Yes, I work hard to make my employers happy, but there's more to it than that. I'm just plain lucky to be where I am right now, and I know that a lot of smart, hard-working people are not as fortunate as I.
Of course, my favorite things about 2008 is that I spent the year married to the best woman I know. She found me long ago in a cheap record store, took me in, and believed in me in a way I had never known. Anyone who knows me now may be hard-pressed to believe the person I once was, but she saw in me the potential to live a better life. That is a testament to the goodness of her heart and soul. I cannot imagine a life without her.
I wonder why we make such a big deal of celebrating the new year. Is it just another excuse to get together with friends and enjoy good food and libations? Certainly, we've had enough of that recently with both Thanksgiving and Christma-Hanu-Kwanza-Ka. No, I can only imagine that we are hoping to set the tone for the coming months. By welcoming the new year with festivity and celebration, we are making a statement: No matter what the past year brought, we will not stop working toward better things. Twelve months, no matter how difficult, cannot dampen our spirits or break our will. Better times are ahead, and we will not be denied.
My hope for you all is that 2009 is a banner year in every way, bringing you prosperity, friendship, and love. And if I get to share in that, or even have a hand in making it happen, my year will be even better.
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